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Isn’t it alarming if you are dating a narcissist? When you see selfishness and self obsession goes beyond control your partner is definitely into narcissism! You have probably said ‘you narcissist!’ before but that’s not what you really wanted to say. Or you just don’t know what a narcissist really is!
Narcissism leads to a real term disorder known as Narcissist Personality Disorder which refers to as, “a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. They also believe that they’re superior to others and have little regard for other people’s feelings according to Mayo Clinic research.
But wait. Isn’t he/she was the charming prince/princess which you thought was “the one and only” and know is totally another person? Many of you are into the same situations but you don’t even know if you are dating a narcissist boyfriend or girlfriend.
Let us help you identify the super qualities of a narcissist man or a narcissist woman. If you find majority of the traits in your partner, RUN!
25 ALARMING Signs you are Dating a narcissist Woman or Man!
The first and foremost thing you will observe is your narcissist Hun will always feel superior no matter what. He/she will always feel above the law, there are just no rules for them. Others are just some useless and pitiful creatures in front of them and they are everything!
Madly in love with you
Let’s recall the days when you started dating. You were the point of attraction for him/her. All those struggles just to impress you, those surprises, gifts, dinners and intensity drove you crazy as hell. But that spark has died somewhere. Now, he is something else. You have even started to think where that person went.
My dear, let me tell you clearly that dating a narcissist means they have intense feelings and they are madly in love with you. But they lose their interest in you gradually and all those gifts, memories and feelings start to fade. You are theirs, and they want to do whatever they want to, whether it is love, torture or making you pregnant so that you don’t have any choice for going away from their role play!
You were surely attracted by the bravery and ‘fuck-the-world-impossible-isn’t-in-my-dictionary’ thing. One of the major sign to identify if you are dating a narcissist is that they are great risk avengers. They just go where there is risk. Rules are nothing for them and they love violating them and take them as challenge. They will do whatever which makes them feel good and this thing will charm you. Narcissist man or woman will even challenge you or others. They have so much confidence over them that they will directly say, “Oh, Try me”, “Bring it on!”, “I can bet”, “That’s what I said”.
Have you seen him/her being authoritative on you? Imposing their friends, their choices, their favorite places, their food or even sex on you? Oh well! That’s one more prominent sign you are dating a narcissist! They are the boss. There is no other way out. They want you to do exactly what they love to do. They are in fond of instant gratification. If you will not respond to their calls or texts, check their reaction! Okay do one more test. Just say ‘no’ to whatever he/she is demanding from you. They can’t accept no’s because they are the boss right?
The terrible sign of dating a narcissist is he/she is selfish and thinks about themselves. Everything that matter is ‘their feelings’. They don’t bother if they are hurting you from their behavior or actions. Their needs and their satisfaction are above all and anything which can work best for them is totally okay; even if the act is hurting you like hell.
Lack of empathy
When it comes to your feelings which needs attention and care, let me remind you, your feelings doesn’t matter! Your emotions have zero importance to them. If there is any fight or argument they will lack in empathy and will never behave like a gentleman or lady.
Never accept their mistakes
They will never ever accept their mistakes. All the argument or fight will end blaming at you, that you were the one starting the argument. In their minds, they are the perfect persons who are so efficient and intellectual that nothing can go wrong in their hands. This sucks okay! In a strong healthy intimate relationship you are mature enough to accept your mistakes.
Can’t take up your criticism
Let’s criticize their perspectives, beliefs, actions or anything, and see the look on their face. If it is how-dare-you kind of thing you are surely dating a narcissist. Narcissist persons never go smooth with criticism. In their own point of view, they are the best and they can’t believe that someone is challenging them or criticizing them.
Hot and cold personality
Dating a narcissist is like dating a dual personality. One time they are so lovely and romantic and the other time they are so mean and hurting. You will often feel a pattern of personality fluctuation in them. They will go from being adorable, lovable, charming and caring to straight disrespecting, devaluing, mean and critical. There is no in between and that’s make you extreme uncomfortable whether you are with the right person or not. Trust me YOU ARE NOT!
They are the boss of the world. They feel they are intellectually superior to every other individual. You will often see them bragging that they are the best. They always feel that the world revolves around them. They feel they are more attractive, intelligent and smart than any other being.
You think narcissist man or narcissist woman have feelings? They simply don’t! Whenever they well cheat on you, or lie to you or do anything which can hurt you badly, there will be NO REMORSE. They don’t love to apologize. For them being apologetic is weak people thing. They are so perfect in their minds that everything is not their mistake and that is what makes them less remorseful. Disgusting! Isn’t it?
An expert manipulator
Have you noticed him/her always manipulating things? Well, narcissist persons are GREAT manipulators. They know how to manipulate things and come up with a good thing instead. They are always doing this. In start you will believe every word of them but with the passing time, truth will reveal itself and you will feel like a shit.
People who were dating a narcissist experienced different things.
“He said I want to show you off to my friends, they all will be so jealous.”-Anonymous
“She was always giving her so called excuses to me, but I found out I was just a fool which she can play with”- Anonymous
“He said he had a beautiful apartment in Bellevue on our first date but he was living in Seattle, later when I insisted on going to Bellevue he was giving lame excuses that apartment was sell out, I mean we were in a relationship he could have tell me about it but no he was manipulating me.” –Anonymous
Expert in twisting arguments
Whenever something is wrong at their ends, or they are found guilty of something, they will always twist the argument so smartly and make you feel that you are the one doing all wrong! God! Have you ever felt like it was his/her mistake but when you talked about it, it was ‘you’ you were feeling guilty of? It’s all the magic of a narcissist dating! They are expert in making others victim of their words even if they are the one done a wrong deed.
Choosy in friendships
Have you ever seen his or her friends? Remember after your first date you met his/her friends and they were all bragging about how good, caring, jolly, lovely person he/she is. The whole point of conversation was your partner and you felt so blessed to have her/him in your life. Now is not that person they all were boasting about right? Actually it’s just there quality; they are choosy in their friendships. They make friends from which they can get a good benefit. This benefit can be different in different cases (depends upon the narcissism stage of the person) like appreciation, severe support, money, status quo, etc.
Don’t know much about you
They are the one always talking about them! Their life history, their current life, their routine, their experiences, their choices, their favorite places, their hobbies, their feelings and God knows what else! They love to talk about themselves ignoring ‘you’. Even if you start to talk about something they will cut off and relate your experience with theirs and then the roller coaster will start again. Oh you feel so bad that time right?
You started liking or dating just because he/she was SOOOO charming and adorable and funny and confident! There was everything best with their personality. You were the one wishing him or her to be with you. It was like God sent her/him to you. Let me tell you one thing very straight that narcissists have a very attractive personality. They know how to talk and inspire others. That’s the best thing in them because you know they are the king/queen of this world!
No personal space
You just don’t have any personal space when you are dating a narcissist! They are so authoritative and want instant gratification that they don’t like you to enjoy your own time or to do anything you want to do alone. There is no mental peace for you. They will try to manipulate with your personal space with the words like:
“I don’t want you to be away, leave that book and let’s go party with my friends”
“Oh Hun why to have some space when we are in love with each other and there are no boundaries in lovers”
They always love themselves because they are the best version of a perfect human being! So much self obsession makes you feel awkward and sometimes hurting too. When all you are hearing is how good he/she is looking, what a smart ass they are, or people are just jealous of them this makes you sick. Real sick.
Bad relationship history
Narcissists will always have a bad relationship history. ALWAYS. They always lack in commitment and have zero capabilities to sustain a long term relationship. They will always tell you that their ex was a jerk or a bitch, it was all her fault, she cheated on me, left me shattered and alone, she is spreading bad words about me, what a slut she is. Well that is not the case. His ‘she’ is not a sociopath or a psycho bitch. HE is the man with the problem; he has the tendency to convert partners into such freaks OR he loves dating such freaks. Look at the way he talks about his ex.
(Disclaimer: It’s not just about “HE” it can be “SHE”)
Putting other down
Dating a narcissist makes you feel embarrassed sometimes. They are always putting others down. Sometimes he/she does this in front of you. You feel bad about the people he/she feels so inferior, it gives a bad impact of you too that you are dating a narcissist sociopath. They he/she talks with the waiters or maids are so bad that you feel pity. Even friends and family are not spared with such a behavior.
Dating a narcissist often seems like getting “educated”. They are always their giving their perspectives, teaching you things (which are right according to them) or even scolding you at times. You will be entertained by listening to some phrases many times like “I told you…”, “If you have listened to me…”, “and don’t be so childish you are behaving…”
Show you off to others!
They love to show off you to others. Of course it was hard for many people to get a catch like you and now he/she wants to brag about it. It’s like a trophy in your form and they are enjoying the moment. He/she will introduce you to his friends, go for party together and kiss you in front of others.
Usually narcissists have nothing. They have no money, no handsome job and no good apartment. Due to their lack of commitment and constant superiority complex, they are always changing jobs or places. They don’t have any future plans or motivations to do something. They lurk around their partner to get monetary favors and never pretend they are getting money. They will always make you feel “the one and only” and you will spend all your money over them. Their no employment or constant job changing pattern will be excused that the company is not that worth off, the employer was a jerk, some colleague took credit of all my hard work on some important project AND SO ON.
When it’s over-you are nothing
Whenever you will have a serious fight or argument and you will be enjoying your “taking some space zone” or simply gets break up with them, you are nothing to them. They are so emotionless that it doesn’t even bother them to even think about you or try to fix things. They move on very quickly and start dating others while you are there, shattered and disappointed, feeling how he/she could move on so quickly. You are just a part of their enjoyment.
Fond of good reputation
Narcissists are always fond of good reputation. They don’t want their name or character getting messed up, because they love themselves and want to brag about it, remember? Whenever you will break up and your mutual friends will start to ask about it from you, they will reach out him/her too. He/she will quickly ask you to stop spreading bad words about him (oh he doesn’t know how bad he was during the course of this relationship and what a narcissist he is) and keeping your mouth shut.
Are you dating a narcissist?
If you have spot out majority of the traits in your partner, it’s time to get free from this relationship. Just RUN. There is no other way out. Free yourself before it’s too late. Remember that if he/she will break up with you this will keep you in uncomfortable position. It’s better to do it yourself and take a sigh of relief. If you have started dating, just avoid dating a narcissist and don’t start a proper relationship!
Life after dating a narcissist!
After the real concept of narcissism you are forced to think is dating a narcissist bad? The aftershocks are so bad that people are often:
- Disconnected from others
- Have less interest in work
- Avoiding going out to places
- Avoiding making new relations
- Feeling devalue
- Not able to move on
People are never able to accept that after being with such a bad person and being so loyal to him/her, he/she is so happy in his life and moved on immediately like we were nothing. This feeling always shatter them into pieces and with each passing day their pain increases and they start to get depress.
Healing after dating a narcissist:
- Talk to your best friend
- Don’t shut your friends or family out
- Remind yourself that he/she was mentally sick
- There behavior was not your fault
- Go to support groups or therapies if you are in extreme depression.
- Start a new life
- Date someone better and the one you deserve